What’s Wrong … with Being a Human Magnet?
You’re in a relationship where you give and give, but never get anything back – this could be anything from work to romance. You’re always concerned whether or not people like you, and you always try to please everyone. It’s exhausting trying to keep everyone happy, isn’t it? It goes so far that you feel like you’re being manipulated! You are even in an abusive relationship with a malignant narcissist who manipulates you mercilessly. Guess what? You are codependent! http://psychcentral.com/lib/21-tips-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser/
The term codependency has earned a bad reputation in popular psychology. http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-codependence/ Codependent means you are a people pleaser, your sense of well-being comes from helping other people. This becomes a problem only when you give to the point of being taken advantage of – and keeling over from just giving too much! It first described the caregiving that adult children of alcoholics give to a parent who was absent – both physically and emotionally due to their addiction. http://www.dr-mcginnis.com/codependency.htm It has broadened now to include children who become caregivers to parents with mental health conditions, which forces you to become the caregiver – the adult in the relationship.
You say to yourself, “Hey, being caring isn’t bad!” It isn’t! But if you look at the great majority of abusive relationships, your abuser usually has a dual diagnosis of a personality disorder and addiction. And you, the abused spouse, is more often than not codependent! http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/08/the-dance-between-codependents-narcissists/ The narcissist is responsible for the abuse, but you (the codependent) also play a role in staying in that abusive, dysfunctional relationship due to the desire to heal, fix and repair the “broken” spouse – usually way too long! Think about these words to live by: You did not break them, you cannot heal them!
Okay, so you’re a “Human Magnet”! How do you stop? http://www.mariadroste.org/2013/02/okay-okay-so-im-codependent-already-now-fix-it/ Know what you’re worth! Grow your self-esteem and do not allow anyone to show you disrespect or use and abuse you. Find a good therapist well versed in CPTSD and trauma bonding, develop strong and healthy boundaries, and start working on the childhood issues that primed you to be codependent!
Help us out by joining us Saturday at Noon AZ MST when Kris and Steve talk with Ross Rosenberg, counselor and author of the book “Human Magnet” because we want to show you how to stop doing that!